The Compassionate Friends is an international, voluntary, self-help organization
offering friendship, understanding, grief education and hope for the future to families who have suffered the death of a child of any age, from any cause.
Our purpose is to aid in the positive reconciliation of grief and foster the physical and emotional health of bereaved parents and their surviving children and to help others be supportive. And share the pain as well as the joy,
Share the anger as well as the peace, - Share the faith as well as the doubts,
and help each other to grieve as well as to grow - We need not walk alone - We are the compassionate friends

The Compassionate Friends of Canada. Inc.
#4 – 69 Campbell Crescent SE
Medicine Hat, Alberta
T1B 1J7
Toll Free: 1 866 823 0141
email: nationaloffice@tcfcanada.net
web site: www.TCFCanada.net

Compassionate Friends provides Some of the GREATEST SERVICES EVER
From my personal Experience as a RCMP Victim Service Volunteer
As well my Sister started the chapter in Abbotsford of Compassionate Friends
She experienced the death of two of her children and died herself in 1992
"THANK YOU AUDREY"

TO THE FAMILY OF AN ADDICT WHOSE ADDICTION WON

CHRISTINE SUHAN

Image Source: Thinkstock

You did enough. I know you may not believe this now, but it’s true.

The next few weeks will inevitably be filled with a relentless stream of questions. Should I have been more involved? Should I have been less involved? Should I have called him just one more time? Should I have left him in jail a little bit longer? Should I have hospitalized him? Should I have forced him into treatment? Should I have stopped enabling him? Should I have just left him alone?

Truth be told, you might always feel like you could have done more to save your loved one. But please hear me when I tell you that you did enough. You did way more than enough. Loving him or her, despite their addiction, was the absolute best thing you could have done, and you did that so well. You loved them deeply. You saw past their pain and the ugly ways they ran from it, and you loved them anyway. Your love never failed and that will always be enough. Your love is the reason they kept fighting. And your love for them in this moment, and in every moment forward, is the reason they are resting peacefully.

You did everything right, even though it may feel like a lifetime of wrongs. So when you’re feeling at your weakest, immersed in the sadness of grief, please remember this:

It is not your fault.
You are likely drowning in a sea of guilt right now, but believe me when I say that nothing you did or didn’t do caused your loved one to become an addict. I know it’s hard to comprehend the baffling nature of the disease, but you did not cause this and despite your best efforts, you could not have prevented this. Addicts are born with a propensity toward becoming addicted. The addiction is triggered by a combination of many factors; elements over which you have little or no control. You are not at fault. You are not to blame.

I heard it said once that guilt is anger turned inward. Do yourself a favor and let the anger out. Direct it elsewhere. You are in no way responsible for the life he lived or the way he died.

It’s okay to be angry.
You reserve the right to be angry. Losing a child (or a sister, mother, brother, father, friend) to the disease of addiction gives you a justifiable reason to be angry. But please don’t be angry at them. Believe me, they didn’t choose this life. They undoubtedly made several bad choices, but they weren’t in their right mind. The disease had warped reality so thoroughly that they weren’t seeing the world as we see it. They were seeing a perception of reality that felt threatening, and their body and mind kicked into survival mode. And while trying to protect themselves, even though outwardly, it looked like self-destruction.

Be mad, but don’t be mad at them. Be mad at the disease of addiction. Use that anger to fuel a passion for helping other addicts and their families find a way out. Your son or daughter or friend or parent did not choose to leave you — broken, hurting, and empty. They weren’t the one choosing. And their disease didn’t care about you or even them. Get angry at the disease. Seek revenge on his or her behalf by spreading awareness, hope, and shedding light on the realities of addiction. The worst thing you could do right now would be to stay silent because silence feeds the disease.

Your story is worth telling.
Addiction is a family disease. Although you might feel as if this is not your story to tell, I assure you that you are as much a part of the story as the addict. You were in it together. As much as your loved one tried to shut you out, you were still in it with them. You were probably more emotionally effected by their addiction than they were. Addicts often begin using drugs and alcohol as a way to numb their feelings and they continue using because it works. For a while, the drugs effectively numb the pain. But you didn’t have a numbing agent to turn to while your family was walking through hell. You felt the gravity of the situation. You carried the weight of his addiction. You were the one who was thinking and feeling clearly and you have a powerful story to tell.

Shame might try and stop you from telling your story. It might tell you your story isn’t worth telling because the disease won, but listen closely: Your story can and will save lives. Owning and sharing your experience is the bravest way to fight the disease. The life of your loved one mattered, and their death has the potential to matter even more. Help to make his or her story — your story — matter.

Don’t shut people out.
Despite the overwhelming presence of addiction and the rapid rise in suicide and accidental overdoses, people are extremely uncomfortable talking about addiction. Your friends don’t know how to navigate this painful time. If they are shying away, that doesn’t mean they don’t care. They are just lost. They don’t know what to say or what to do; they need your guidance. You might not even know what you need right now, but when you start to figure it out, tell them. Let your people in. Show them how to support you. If you want to talk about him, tell them that. If you want to talk about his death or his disease, talk to them. Your friends want to be there for you, they just don’t know how.

You will get through this, and the acute pain you feel right now will lessen. Their death will inevitably change you, but it doesn’t have to destroy you. Let the grief evolve you. Let your love for them propel you into a dimension of living you never knew was possible. But in the meantime, rest assured that the hearts of other families rocked by addiction are bleeding with you.

With love

A recovering addict, whose demons are the same as your loved one’s.

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ADULT & TEEN CHALLENGE - Abbotsford - Chilliwack & Okanagan BC

Adult and Teen Challenge BC
Finance, Administration & Communication Office; PO Box 2095 Abbotsford STN A, BC V2T 3X8
Toll Free: 1.888.575.3930
Local: 604.575.3930
Fax: 604.575.3903

Abbotsford Women's Centre
Toll Free: 1.888.575.3930 ext. 3
Local: 604.575.3930 ext. 3
Intake: 604.575.3930 ext.303
Fax: 604.425.0665

Chilliwack Men's Centre
4166 Eckert Street, Chilliwack, BC V2R 5J6
Toll Free: 1.888.575.3930 ext. 2
Local: 604.575.3930 ext. 2
Intake: 604.575.3930 ext.207
Fax: 604.823.0139

Okanagan Men's Centre
4550 Glenmore Road, Lake Country, BC V4V 1L7
Toll Free: 1.888.575.3930 ext. 4
Local: 604.575.3930 ext. 4
Intake: 604.575.3930 ext.402
Fax: 250.766.5079

GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP PROGRAMS
Our groups are structured in such a way that participants are able to meet once a week, for six weeks. Each of our sessions begins with information about the grieving process and how it affects us physically and emotionally. Participants are invited to gather in small groups to discuss their experiences regarding the topics presented. No person is obliged to speak, and all are advised that everything shared in the sessions remains strictly confidential. We create a safe environment that allows participants to explore their shock, pain, sadness, guilt and regrets and to discover that others also share these emotions.
Our programs are facilitated by two facilitators who have received training and practical experience in the area of grief work. They come to this work because of their own losses and paths of healing, and bring their energy and compassion to help others on this journey as well.
Our Grief Support Group Programs are set up with a three-pronged approach:
To receive practical information and tools to help you cope with your loss.
A chance to connect with others who are also struggling and who ‘get it’.
A process-oriented approach that includes week-to-week practices (Heart-work) to help you with your healing journey.
Our programs are non-religious and open to those who have experienced the death of a significant person.
The fee for our program is $150.00 which includes all your materials and light refreshments. This money goes toward the expenses incurred to offer this program as we do not receive public funding.
An Intake/Registration Process is required in order to attend one of our Grief Support Group Programs. Our groups are anywhere from 8 – 13 participants. We close the group after the first session and do not allow drop-ins. We do this in order to promote an environment of safety, trust and consistency.
PLEASE SEE WEBSITE FOR LOCATIONS
LOWER MAINLAND GRIEF RECOVERY SOCIETY

Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of BC
The Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre of BC (Crisis Centre) is a non-profit, volunteer organization committed to helping people help themselves and others deal with crisis.
The Crisis Centre has been providing emotional support to youth, adults and seniors in distress since 1969. As a safe place to turn when there seems to be no hope, the Crisis Centre is operated by 425+ frontline volunteers and a small team of professional staff who support and empower individuals to see their own strengths and options, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We work at the community level to provide education and training aimed at fostering resiliency and building capacity to respond to crisis and suicide.
In 2016, the Crisis Centre impacted more than 102,000 lives across BC through its three core services:
24/7 Distress Phone Services
Operating four regional crisis lines, two 1-800-SUICIDE lines and two Mental Health Support Lines which are connected to a network of crisis lines across BC as well as a dedicated Seniors’ Distress Line. The provincial 1-800-SUICIDE lines and Mental Health Support Lines are available in over 140 languages using a language service.
Online Distress Services (YouthInBC.com, CrisisCentreChat.ca)
Provide youth and adults with an opportunity to talk openly yet confidentially when in distress, or crisis, seek emotional support, and locate referral services in their community.
Community Learning and Engagement
Education and training that fosters resiliency and builds the capacity to respond to crisis and suicide in our communities. Includes programming for community members and service providers (training), youth and older adults. Service providers and community members from all over BC attend our training programs.
24 HOUR CRISIS LINES
Greater Vancouver • 604-872-3311
Howe Sound & Sunshine Coast • 1-866-661-3311
TTY • 1-866-872-0113
The Seniors' Distress Line • 604-872-1234
Mental Health Support • 310-6789
1-800-SUICIDE • 1-800-784-2433
PLEASE SEE MUCH MORE ON THE WEBSITE PROGRAMS AND SERVICES

FIND PSYCHOLOGY TODAY SUPPORT
Please note that these are Professional Counselors and the Cost is on their website

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